Yesterday I released DSharingu 0.4a. Not much has changed. Actually, I spent a lot of time deciding what to put for the icon application. I do have an esthetic sense and I realize that the new icon is between tacky and sad. But I really didn’t feel like spending 4-5 hours trying to get some half-decent icon drawn.
Software development is measured in years-man. If 10 people work on one software for one year, it’s 10 years-man. Imagine one person working on his spare time. By spare time I mean, after work, not considering: laundry, showers, food, entertainment, various errands, learning Japanese, etc etc.
Basically, I’m hopeless as I try to work, have some sort of social life, and program the stuff I like to do.
As much as I try to optimize and reuse things, I just can’t do much. I’m only human. I try to do a billion things but it’s hard. I can generally do a lot, but I often forget things. I fear tests as I could fail them depending on my recent focus on things. My memory is too often wandering around subjects.
But, I swear, I can do great stuff… potentially.
When I was hired to my current company, the idea was: “you are good, we can use your skills !”. Then it became: “I hired you because you were good ! Show us what can you do.. by yourself !” (?!) then “you good ! do this and this for us !”, finally “ok you didn’t automagically poop golden eggs, cook us some spaghetti code that will keep the business going”.
I believe I can do things, but I think that one needs the right space and resources to do anything. With no hints, excessive expectations and no power to direct anything, it’s impossible to meet any goal.
The potential is there, but the problem is that bosses all over the world are generally de-motivated. Once you are up there, once you have your nice car and chicks/family, once your life is pretty much comfortable, you don’t have to prove much to anyone. As long as things go good enough, it’s all fine.
Let the newly hired peeons work for a decent pay while you enjoy your quite nice rewards of being a boss.
That’s bullshit. I want to be in a place where people have constantly something to prove. I want to be with motivated people that will either motivate me, or give me the freedom to motivate others. I’ve got the will in me, and I don’t want it to die off. Mind you, being in the office till late doesn’t qualify to being motivated nor productive.. it’s often just pretending.
I wish I could be financed to do what I feel I can do good. But I’d be already happy if I could work in an environment where people aren’t turned off. People at work should be absorbed in what they do, motivated, excited or at least, very competent.
It’s depressing as I see my career going to the dump. I’m being given a dumb task after another. Moving around software companies in Japan without very good Japanese language skills is not easy. I make it hard on myself, but I still have to learn a lot from Japan and there is still a lot that I want to achieve as a programmer or anything.
I’m alive and kicking, I have the coder’s fire in my veins. I hope I will soon get an opportunity to prove myself.. but I can’t do that alone.
Posted by Davide Pasca in Programming, Society, Diary, Japan