The situation is hard to define, because on paper, on the surface, the guy is doing nothing wrong, but in practice, there is a mix of behaviors that sometimes renders the friendship a frustration.
One can’t be playing “buddy buddy” when he’s practically absent for 90% of the time. Often hard to reach, often somewhat unable to get back on a practical time frame.
Too busy to keep in touch ? It’s not easy.. but it’s part of the job of being a friend.
I don’t expect everyone to maniacally keep in touch. But when you live in the same city and when you claim to be my great buddy, you either stick around or start calling the relationship for what it really is “an acquaintance”.

As for the casual sex thing.. I’m definitely not marriage-oriented and I can see why one may want to avoid to have a fixed girlfriend. But when you do, be honest and don’t fack around. And “everybody does” is not an excuse !

he he he … maybe I’m being mean, but if that’s the choice you’ve made, there’s really no point in complaining about what the person does or doesn’t do (especially publicly)! 8P In this case it’s best to just laugh it off and go on with life.

I guess in my previous message I didn’t make it clear that I actually don’t believe in dropping long time friends or family … but what I was trying to get at was that (sometimes) that’s the best thing for the person because the actions they take end up causing more damage to the people around them over time. Sometimes this “dropping” wakes the person up and they change (or at least move towards it) or stop their poor actions, sometimes it doesn’t.

You can’t go to an adult person and tell him or her, to make a total drastic personality change.

Very true, but I’ve personally seen cases where no one said anything to the person about their problems or at least what others thought and years later, the person had ruined their life beyond what (I thought) was really necessary … what was more insidious was that those folks who didn’t say anything actually benefited from that person not changing … crazy world we live in!

While I’m at it, I’ll just throw some more gasoline on the fire. 8P

Ability to enjoy “pussy” will fade away and you’ll find yourself old and lonely !

Apparently you see the long term effects of your friend’s choice(s). Obviously you can’t make him change (individually, we have to choose that for ourselves), but seeing how he’s a long term friend, wouldn’t it be a good thing at least to bring this potential result to his attention? It’s quite possible he may not be aware of this happening to him in the long term, and it’s not out of the question for him (in the future) to come and lament to you about his lonliness …

As for talking to the person in question. I see no need. People don’t change and long standing friends, much like family, are not meant to be dropped.

You can’t go to an adult person and tell him or her, to make a total drastic personality change. That only happens to those re-born Christian, Muslim, etc, that you see often in USA (but not only there). Those people apparently really change a lot and they looks scary ! ..Adult people better stay the way they were !

> rince
I think it’s more plausible to think that hairy people tend to get pissed more easily with the heat. So, if I changed, I’m probably more relaxed ! ehhhh

ah, but those people in the middle east never shaved, so we dont know if their behaviour is related to hair. To prove that we need to shave them and see what happens!

However in your case the shaving corresponded to a behaviour change, so I am wondering if there was a connection!

Ah the standard “rebel” disclaimer! 8P Perhaps I should have said, Kaz-fair-man instead?

Either way, it seems that in this day and age being “fair” isn’t a quality that many exhibit since that can be viewed as “not being agressive”, “weak”, or “too nice”. 8P

But teasing you aside, unless you have the “bandwith” to process your friend’s antics, (as Rince pointed out), it’s best to just tell him how you feel in person and if that ends the friendship, so be it.

I realized that sometimes not telling someone we consider a friend how we feel about a situation doesn’t do the relationship with that person any good … sometimes the person’s simply “too deep in it” to be aware of the problem and bringing it to their attention helps them … other times, it just makes things “worse” because the person now gets defensive and angry, etc.

I’ve lost some “friends” by confronting them about an issue, but after I spent time thinking about it, I just realized that they weren’t the kind of selfish people I wanted to be spending my time with especially when there are better people of character who are more deserving of my time … maybe I just lack your patience. 8P

Anyway, no more comments from me … I’m more interested to see where the current change adventure you are on takes you.

> rince
If shaving is affecting my brain, then it has been doing it for a while already 8)
Also, it seems to me that the hot religious heads in the middle east, those that make it in the news for being irrational, have the tendency not to shave their faces.. so, logically, shaving improves logical abilities (it’s a dumb thing to say, but it’s a proper answer 8).

I complained publicly because I like to share important stuff when I can. However I eventually felt that the form of the message was not meant to be up to stay.
My friend is hopeless, he’s made that way, so I don’t think there is much for me to say, I can only accept, or more likely, ignore.

if you have something to say about a person, especially someone you have a history with, its best to say it to their face, before announcing your thoughts in a ‘public’ place.

And to abide by the above principle I will say it to mr kaz’s face, that I thought that the ‘old friend #1′ post was innapropriate for that same reason!

I think that whole body shaving business is affecting his brain too… hhohohohohohoho!

I never thought I’d see this day … Finally, Kaz-Gentleman shows his face … er … text … 8P

I agree with what you say, but I honestly think these days, we’re in the minority. Commitment seems like such an old fashioned thing! 8P

By the way, I call you on your lack of transparency because you removed the old message!!! 8P