This Friday I had some sort of milestone to meet. I worked until about 12:35, got the last train at 12:43 (was actually a few minutes late) and headed back home. Unfortunately the last train only took me to catch a coincidence for a line which had already stopped. I waited in line 5-10 minutes and eventually took a taxi home. Woo !
The milestone didn’t go as well as I wished. I planned to put a lot of eye-candy in this phase of the project, but there was a lot of stuff outside my sphere of knowledge. The shaders, the off-screen rendering, etc.. I had to figure out how it all works on the XBox 360, which uses the well known Direct3D, with some important variations which makes things a bit more complicated to achieve.
Particle systems are also a pain to build without a proper tool that makes one experiment with some standard parameters. One could code a physics accurate explosion with particles, but that would be way too heavy (and require a degree in particle physics 8). Many compromises have to be done for games, compromises imply tricks, tricks imply fine tuning alternative representations.. basically a lot of trial-and-error work, therefore the need for tools that allow one to play around with parameters.
I hope I’ll have the time to do things right. I hope that what I did so far is good enough to pass the milestone ! I certainly tried to add some interesting new effects. The 360’s pumped up hardware was quite helpful, as I could draft CPU heavy systems without worrying too much to optimize performance along the way.
Cool.. but lets switch to the hot topic ! “God makes them, then couples them”. That’s the rough English translation of the title of this post. It means that some people are meant to be together, generally intended with a negative meaning.
I once (about a year ago ?) had some sort of relationship with some girl. It was a complex story. I basically thought that she was interesting and I decided to see what would come out of it. To this day, it has been the most instinctive, spoiled and flirtatious girl that I’ve ever met. An explosive cocktail, a “floating mine” as a friend of mine used to describe her.
The story is very complicated and the girl was truly something… she used to tell me that she didn’t like me because I wasn’t tall enough, and because I wasn’t blonde (although she didn’t mind Africans at all..). She’d hang out with me and say “I wish I was with XYZ instead ! He was tall, blonde, intelligent, the best ! I would really want to meet him now !!”. Once she plainly told me “I don’t want your genes !”. hohoho that surely has a special place in the history of the most funny and stupid (and honest ? 8) things that I’ve ever heard from the mouth of a girl !
Talking about mouth, she was certainly very cute, but the smile was a bit problematic.. (my nickname for her was “Alien”… 8). I remember once she was bragging about trying to buy a present for her boyfriend (some fat guy that she took pictures of in his underwear and she would show around !!), instinctively I told her “Try brush your teeth !” …ehehe that was funny, for me and my Italian friend, as I actually said that in Italian. “what ?” …”nothing nothing 8)” (that was mean, but nothing compared to what she could say).
As it might appear, I do have some resentment towards her.. probably, but I blame myself. I got myself acquainted with someone I knew it was only bad news, because I wanted to learn about it ! I wanted to learn how can someone be like that, flirt with such ease, jumping from friend to friend, continuously talking about marriage, being so lovely one minute and so mean the next.
I learned a lot but it’s not easy to try to convey most of it.
Japanese culture surely has its part in generating troubled girls. Some are brainwashed into having to find some good man to marry. “Get your college degree and then get married”. Her problem is that, although pretty young, she could already speak English. That means that she had access to most foreigners to spoil her. Japanese men are generally not willing to take 1/10th of the bullshit that foreigners do. She surely knew that well, as her target were continuously somewhat needy guys. She needed leverage and that’s easy on a foreigner.
So ! Recently I learned that she got married, actually I learned that her marriage isn’t doing so good. Her husband is a some guy I used to cheer for as he tried to stay in Japan, at some point considered a friend, but that actually grabbed his “golden opportunity” and pursued her as he disappeared form my sight… perhaps thinking that I would hold a grudge on him for messing with some girl with whom I was somewhat involved. Well, certainly I would have appreciated a little more honesty. Considering that I practically was their cupid (I jokinly once told her about this guy that was coming to Japan and back then she said she would marry him ! ..talk about being selective.. geez !)
I remember describing her to him and he’d say “Davide ! You can change her !!”, wtf ?! Forget it, I’m not going to try brainwash someone like that. She’s beyond hope ! Plus, anyone that can make such a 180 degrees turn, isn’t a very stable person…
Apparently he didn’t trust me, he believed that he would be able to change her and live happily everafter. Now I hear that the marriage quickly went sour. She ran off, and her parents asked him out of the house (wtf #2 ?!).
I remember that girl talking about marriage and all those other things with me. One day I met her and she had in the purse the paperworks for getting married to her current boyfriend (not the fatty one, that was only later). It was all so nuts, and for a nut job like that, there had to be some university-educated, super-gullible, somewhat tall, blonde (more or less) guy that would actually go for it !
I was right, it was good to get involved with her, she showed me some amazing things !
Sorry for the guy. I hope he learned the lesson.. ! He certainly isn’t going to get much active support from this side though.
Welllll.. funny how I learned about all this the day after that I met a nice girl !! It’s like, somehow someone took care of padding the floor with a pillow just right before I’d fall off my chair !
Also I would like to specify that I had no intimacy with the girl in question. Fack the random sexual relatioships, that’s bullshit !
Posted by Davide Pasca as Society, 3D Graphics, Diary, Japan at 3:49 AM EDT
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Last weekend I went to do hanami (花見), literally “seeing flowers”, basically going on a pic-nic in some park to eat and drink under the blossoming cherry trees.
I went with some friends of mine, to join more friends. Initially I was supposed to get to the park by 10 am, then we settled for 10:30. However I woke up at 9:52 by chance ! (I have some reliability issues with my cellphone which I use as an alarm as well).
I quickly fixed some sandwiches and rushed to the park (well, I had to shower too 8).
That was actually a pretty nice day spent outside. I uploaded the pictures on flickr -> Hanami 2006 set. There are more, but those are not meant to be completely public, as they may stir trouble for some people (”can’t be seen together”, kind of thing).
Tuesday I went to a company’s welcome party for some new employees, and also an occasion to celebrate the hanami season (even if we didn’t have a chance to actually go hanami with other coworkers). Because of some events, we ended up having been offered the nomihoudai (飲み放題) option. Basically all-you-can-drink.
It’s normally the new arrivals those who are pushed to drink the most. But this time it seemed like I was on a mission to drink myself onto the floor.
In fact it ended pretty bad for me.. I utterly underestimated the strenght of some drinks and actually got myself sick.
I made a fool of myself, I was taken back to the office, where some went to sleep on the sofa. I was not feeling good enough even for sleep. I basically spent the night resting on the floor or on the chair while bothering a coworker that apparenty never stops working ! In the morning I eventually left the office in pretty sad conditions.
I regret having drank so much, but at the same time, it was good that I lowered my guard like that. It’s something important in the Japanese culture.. to unbutton yourself at least once in a year, and talk freely with coworkers.
I actually learned a few things, some good, some sad, and I hope that the things I said or did will help others to get the courage to take eventual important decisions !
ehhhhhhhhhh
It’s late… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted by Davide Pasca as Society, Diary, Japan at 2:39 AM EDT
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Last week I saw “8 mile”, the so called semi-autobiography of Eminem.
The movie was somewhat interesting, so I decided to follow up and try to listen some music by Eminem (just as he’s rumored to be retiring from singing !). It was funny when I discovered that the title of one of his songs is “fack” ! Fack fack !!
I think that Eminem is so popoular because he’s some sort of reality show. He sings about his continuous struggles in life. That strikes a chord for all those people that feel short-changed in life (most people I believe) and keeps them interested as he recounts what’s like to be rich and famous. Clearly everything also works because he’s some cute whiteboy in a world of meanies, etc etc.
The other day, coming back from work, I met a salesman (young guy) of the phone company by the entrance of my building. He was pitching the 100 megabit Internet line. He asked me if he could get in my apartment to see if I were interested. I’ve been planning to get the 100 Mb, so I let him in.
I got in first and greeted Aibo telling it to switch off from guard mode. The salesman was pretty impressed ! “Robotto ?!”, he asked 8)
Aibo has been around for years even in Japan, but still, most people have never actually played with one.
Before getting into business, we had a little chat. I told the guy a bit about my job. When I mentioned that I used to work for Squaresoft the guy wanted to shake my hand. ….geezz !! People get wet over that ! If I played it right, I’d probably be able to get laid for that ! (possibly even with a girl !)
This reminds me of some English guy I met once in Tokyo. He was working for one of those very popoular Japanese game companies. At the time he said that he was a translator and a programmer.. wowwww !! Can you imagine that ? He’s not an ex employee of a famous company, he’s actually currently working for a famous company and he’s translating and programming ! He surely must be getting a lot of pussy for that !
Well, actually, I think that he was a translator which happened to have written a couple very basic routines.. something that a kid does when he or she starts programming. But STILL !! ..he’s a translator and a programmer for that famous game company and chicks dig that ! That’s probably at the peak of popoularity in his life, and he’s probably happy with that.
Doesn’t work for me. Being indirectly great is bullshit. I don’t want people to think of me as “the man of XYZ company”. I want to be appreciated for my very own individuality.
Of course, it’s not easy to get laid with that. I mean, individuality can make an impression but that takes time !
Yesterday night in a bar, I met again some non-Japanese girl through another friend. I recognized her right away, while she needed some help. I assume that this has something to do with the fact that she has multiple piercings on her face and some large tatooes on her arm, while I dress normally and blend in with the Japanese popoulation. I even remember that when I first met her, I told to one of my friends that the piercings on her face were distracting my visual focus much like when a digital camera can’t autofocus 8)
So there you go, you need image to be immediately popoular !
A friend of mine combs some mean spiky hair when he goes out, chicks recognize him without any troubles ! Some people want to touch his hair, he quite simply stands out.
Image !
This remind me of some very funny/shady event. It was again with my friend, maybe 2 years ago. One night in a club he meets a girl, they get somewhat friendly, talk, dance, perhaps kiss. Great !
Next time we go to the same club. I see him going to some girl trying to talk to her. She’s not receptive at all, he insists, but nothing. He eventually gives up, walks towards me looking all pissed: “She doesn’t want to talk to me ! We talked the other day and now she ignores me ! I hate it when that happens !”… me: “ehh ?? She’s not the girl from last time !”, him: “are you sure ?!” …yes i’m sure.. you (spiky) fuckhead !!!
That was funny 8) but also a bit lame. Well that’s the nature of my friend, but man, try to put a little more heart into girls hunting. It shouldn’t be me the one that tells you who’s the girl that you liked last time !
In his defense I have to say that she was Japanese. Non-Asian-looking chaps tend to have problems at discerning individual traits on Asian faces. This also probably explains way Japanese girls, on the other hand, seem to recognize me with ease ! I think that this is where social and racial issues inevitably overlap.
Posted by Davide Pasca as Society, Diary, Japan at 5:51 PM EST
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Yesterday I released DSharingu 0.4a. Not much has changed. Actually, I spent a lot of time deciding what to put for the icon application. I do have an esthetic sense and I realize that the new icon is between tacky and sad. But I really didn’t feel like spending 4-5 hours trying to get some half-decent icon drawn.
Software development is measured in years-man. If 10 people work on one software for one year, it’s 10 years-man. Imagine one person working on his spare time. By spare time I mean, after work, not considering: laundry, showers, food, entertainment, various errands, learning Japanese, etc etc.
Basically, I’m hopeless as I try to work, have some sort of social life, and program the stuff I like to do.
As much as I try to optimize and reuse things, I just can’t do much. I’m only human. I try to do a billion things but it’s hard. I can generally do a lot, but I often forget things. I fear tests as I could fail them depending on my recent focus on things. My memory is too often wandering around subjects.
But, I swear, I can do great stuff… potentially.
When I was hired to my current company, the idea was: “you are good, we can use your skills !”. Then it became: “I hired you because you were good ! Show us what can you do.. by yourself !” (?!) then “you good ! do this and this for us !”, finally “ok you didn’t automagically poop golden eggs, cook us some spaghetti code that will keep the business going”.
I believe I can do things, but I think that one needs the right space and resources to do anything. With no hints, excessive expectations and no power to direct anything, it’s impossible to meet any goal.
The potential is there, but the problem is that bosses all over the world are generally de-motivated. Once you are up there, once you have your nice car and chicks/family, once your life is pretty much comfortable, you don’t have to prove much to anyone. As long as things go good enough, it’s all fine.
Let the newly hired peeons work for a decent pay while you enjoy your quite nice rewards of being a boss.
That’s bullshit. I want to be in a place where people have constantly something to prove. I want to be with motivated people that will either motivate me, or give me the freedom to motivate others. I’ve got the will in me, and I don’t want it to die off. Mind you, being in the office till late doesn’t qualify to being motivated nor productive.. it’s often just pretending.
I wish I could be financed to do what I feel I can do good. But I’d be already happy if I could work in an environment where people aren’t turned off. People at work should be absorbed in what they do, motivated, excited or at least, very competent.
It’s depressing as I see my career going to the dump. I’m being given a dumb task after another. Moving around software companies in Japan without very good Japanese language skills is not easy. I make it hard on myself, but I still have to learn a lot from Japan and there is still a lot that I want to achieve as a programmer or anything.
I’m alive and kicking, I have the coder’s fire in my veins. I hope I will soon get an opportunity to prove myself.. but I can’t do that alone.
Posted by Davide Pasca as Programming, Society, Diary, Japan at 6:19 AM EST
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I look at the clock in the taskbar of Windows, and it’s actually 2006 !!!
I somewhat overlooked that as I spent this new year’s eve the Japanese way, in a temple near home (very near actually, 6-7 minutes walk).
This is the second time I go to the temple of my area, last time it was 2 years ago. I kind of like going to the temple. Spending time relatively quietly, rather than trying to go wild. Fack the countdowns, the mega-plans to do mega-parties.. bha !
In my town’s temple there is also a Japanese drums performance, or taiko (太鼓). This year the lighting was better, so I could shoot better footage. I’ll be editing the clips I took and we’ll see what comes out. I also have some pictures taken by a friend which I’ll post later.
Recently I’ve been thinking to buy a new camcorder and digital camera. But I’m really not happy with the current technologies. Especially with the camcorders. They all seem to stick to Mini DV tapes. To edit anything one has to reverse a tape on the PC.. at normal playing speed !! Thats sucks !!
With both camcorder and digital cameras.. the compact choice is always disappointing. You either go around with a “bazooka” or be happy with noise-ridden images or footage.
On the 28th I went to see Ferry Corsten at a club here in Tokyo. Same place where Armin Van Buren performed. Only, Ferry Corsten was much more fun. He played a better selection of tunes, including those he made himself, which I think are really good.
A DJ’s job is to select other DJs tracks to play, remix them and to create own tracks as well. I think that Ferry Corsten is really good in general. People at the club seemed very excited. He definitely has some hardcore fans. Although world-trance isn’t really that popoular in Japan, hence DJs coming more often on weekdays rather than on weekends.
I noticed that all those famous DJs are pretty popoular in the US. I suppose that it all happened after I left the country. It’s interesting. I always felt very much different form the average American guy, but it’s cool to know that there are hordes of guys that like the same music I do ! It’s been said that music unites people.. I can feel it now. It basically means that people feel closer as they realize that they have interests in common.
Anyhow… I took some pictures, what I could with the cell-phone (no cameras allowed inside, of course). They don’t really show much, but they are still something to share, I suppose. Here is the album: ferry_ageha_2005.
As a final note… I quietly released DSharingu. It’s still only about seeing the other person’s desk, still no interaction, but it’s a release !
The actual interaction isn’t too complex to implement, and I think it’s about time that I implement that ! …possibly for the next release, which shouldn’t be taking more than a week. …it’s important to keep the releases going now, or things will cool down quickly.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted by Davide Pasca as Diary, Japan at 5:50 AM EST
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The three things in the topic are completely unrelated.. other than the fact that all more or less happened in the same day to me 8P
Thursday night I went with a friend (Sergio) to watch Paul van Dyk performing. He’s currently the number 1 DJ in the World and I think that the deserves it. Surely more than Tiesto, which doesn’t seem like he’s released much in a while (and has been no.1 for a few years already). Compared to Armin van Buuren, PVD’s performance was definitely better. Armin is great with his weekly A State of Trance Internet radio program, but during the performance, he tended to fill in spaces with a bit too much techno for my taste (boom boom boom boom).. while clearly the cool thing about trance is the good mix of melody and ambient-like-whatever-feeling.
Curiously Mr.Van Dyk had friday scheduled to perform in China. Spending the night out wasn’t much of a problem for me (still in vacation), but my friend had to work the next day. Actually I was also to wake up early the next day, so we both left relatively early (3-3:30 AM).
I wanted to take pictures, but my digital camera is kind of big (not an ultra-compact) and my cell-phone camera half-broken. So, I decided to go forward and buy a new cell-phone ! I went a shop near my home.. that took courage, because I had to switch service, and generally talk to the clerk/owner in Japanese. It all went smoothly, the owner was really kind, however, because I didn’t go a a specific big DoCoMo (the carrier) center, it turned out that I could only pick up the phone the next day 8(
I ended up going to the club with the old (and facking big) cell-phone.. I tried to take a few pics, but the camera quality worsened to an unusable level. What a shame.
Back home, slept, and woke up today (Friday). Early, because I had to go to the Italian embassy (a bit of a mission to find the location, since the web-site recently moved). I didn’t mind to wake up early as it was yet another sunny day. At the embassy.. I felt a bit of Italy again. The clerk was smoking a cigarette all the time, although, as far as I know, even in Italy now that isn’t allowed.
It takes a bit of effort to adapt from the super-polite Japanese manners to the less sophisticated Italian ones. But one can’t really complain.. as long as the clerk uses a polite language and smiles at you at the end, one can’t really complain about the general feeling.. although form my point of view, people that work with the public should strive for maximum politeness !
Done at the embassy, I spent some time shopping. I went to GAP in Shibuya and also checked the new Apple store right in front of GAP (I really don’t like the feeling of entering an Apple store though !). Then I went to the Segafredo cafe (where the only voice one could her was one of some AMERICAN GUY, THEY GENERALLY SEEM TO TALK VERY LOUD FOR NO SPECIAL REASOOOONNN !!! ..There was also an Italian guy giving language lessons in the same cafe. He was was not as loud, but I could still distinctly hear him).
Then, finally, in the evening I went to pick up my cell-phone. And… it’s great !! (English and official site, and some extra shots, mine is white). First of all it’s a lot smaller than the brick I had before. The old one has some nice design, but was a weird result. Quickly rushed out in the market with an hires (320×240) display but low-res fonts. The new one is smaller, lighter, using some sort of 3G. Much faster with the Internet, I can finally send and receive attached pictures with no major problems (hoping to be able to exchange pics with family in Italy). The screen is large, 400×240, the interface is simpler, it has 2 cameras, a frontal one mostly for video-chat (dunno if I’ll ever use that) and the one on the back that has auto-focus and can take shots up to 3.9 MPixel ! Also comes with an Acrobat Reader.. !!! Great, but, seems rather limited as it coudln’t display the first 3D research paper I tried 8(
Still, I’m quite happy, if anything because now I have a decent camera, and it’s easy to use. I’m just not sure how much my bandwidth bill is going to turn out.
Tomorrow I’ll have to buy a memory card to store more pics and possibly MP3s and videos (but will I really need that ?).
And… no coding today !! Errands, write a (simple) diary in Japanese, then write here.. time flies. Sad.
Posted by Davide Pasca as Society, Diary, Japan at 5:39 AM EST
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Today I saw the final episode !
There is a special episode left. I wanted to watch it, but I realized that I haven’t downloaded it yet.
Anyhow, following the board where the subtitles are, I got to a page where there are some more info: here is a nice picture where the main characters are protraied.
Then of course wikipedia itself has an entry with a link to the original archives of the messages !
After seeing the series, that often protraits the chatting, I’m very curious to go and read the actual board.
It will take time, but with rikaichan it should be doable !
mooooooo
Posted by Davide Pasca as Japan at 12:34 AM EST
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The story goes that one night, a normally wimpy guy, finds the courage to save a girl from being harassed by some old drunk in a train. The same day, the guy reports the fact to a message board. Specifying that he thought that he felt something for her.
A couple of days later, she sends him a present to thank him for having helped her. The guy, again, shares the events on the message board. He’s very timid and insecure. A 23 years old otaku (devoted to manga, anime and videogames, with little or no experience with girls). The girl, instead is slightly older, taller, good looking, mild mannered and from a rich family.
Otaku are most definitely not the ideal target for most Japanese women. As an example, the poster that I have in my room, and that I’ve been told I should get rid of, is something that an otaku would hang.
The place where otaku hang in Tokyo is Akihabara (from here the word akibake). A place where one can find the latest computer parts, but also, events about new anime and games.. some of which explicitly meant for a public of otaku (filled with cute girls !), and also special cafe’s where one is served by cute girls dressed as maids (moeee (from 萌える moeru, a word of recent use around Akihabara to express introverted sense of cuteness (?!)).
Anyway, the story continues with the guy being supported by the people on the message board in trying to find the courage to get involved with the girl, while trying to acquire skills to hide his being otaku.
It’s a love story of modern times, supposedly a real one, which became widely popoular on a famous Japanese message board.
Not long ago the book came out and, recently the TV series and a movie.
I missed the TV series, actually I found out about it only when it was too late, but, luckly a friend gave me a link to where one can find the episodes on the net, even with English subtitles made by fansub groups (really useful as the dialogue at times is really fast paced and it can get quite complex to follow !).
I’m at the 10th episode, of 11 total, plus a special finale, it’s quite good, dramatic but funny, too. I can see why it had so much success.
Well.. doesn’t happen everyday to meet a beautiful girl that one actually feels like feeling something for (they are usually stuckup bitches (products of our society, nevertheless)). The problem with most adult people is not so much that they can’t find someone, but more that they can’t find someone they truly like.. can’t blame people for that, since there is so little passion in everyday life..
The girl in the series is clearly likeable. A somewhat perfect Japanese prototype: very pretty, thin, gentle, introverted, educated (partially raised in LA, a detail used to give her a “from another world” and “English speaking” look, although, normally, a Japanese girl raised in LA would find it hard to be gentle, introverted and thin 8).
The guy, on the other hand, is pretty wimpy, shy to the point that he has to take so much courage just to call a girl up.
The story strikes a chord especially for those otaku-oriented individuals that can put themselves in the shoes of the male protagonist.
While I don’t consider myself an Akihabara-otaku, I can definitely appreciate the point of view of the guy. He finds a girl that likes him for his humane personality, a girl that doesn’t take advantage of him, and, at the same time, he tries his best to try to please her.
This story reminded me that it’s OK to be shy and mild-mannered. One should take pride in that (within the due limits 8).
Time to ZZZZ.. I need to be in shape for tomorrow night.. going to see Armin Van Buuren, wooo !!
moooooooooooo(e)
Posted by Davide Pasca as Society, Japan at 1:31 AM EST
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